argh!!!

On Monday night Jon and I finally re-joined our gym. We had been wanting to do it for months, but always found some excuse to talk ourselves out of it. Our latest hesitation had to do with how the kids might respond to spending time in the childcare center. They've been home for about 8 months, but they really haven't been away from us (or immediate family members) in all that time. We were concerned that they'd freak out.

Even so, We both feel like we need to start working out regularly again to relieve stress and feel healthier. I also love the idea that I can (potentially) have some time to myself a few days a week. I think that I would be a much better mother if I practice a little self-care here and there. I could (again, potentially) get a massage while my kids are in the childcare center. I *know* that I would be a fantastic mother if I got regular massages. Anyway, back to the story...

So, Monday night comes and we go to the club. We take the kids to the childcare center, and they're totally excited to check things out. Within seconds, Little Miss Independence is 50 feet away and Elijah's not far behind. So we leave them there to make new friends and explore.

We go through the signup process and have our photos taken. They haven't paged us, so we figure that things must be going alright with the kids. When we return to the childcare center, Izzie greets us with a gigantic smile and an exuberant "HI!!!". Elijah looks at me and bursts into tears, obviously pissed that we left him there. We talked to both of the twins and let them know that this was a fun place to come play while mommy and daddy take care of themselves, and that we will always come back for them.

The next day, I took the kids to the gym by myself. We got a good parking spot, I loaded up with my gym bag, the diaper bag, and both babies, and in we go. I carried them all the way to the childcare center (down 3 flights of stairs, in and out of 2 carseats, and 500+ feet with 45 extra pounds in your arms is a workout in itself!) and checked them in. I took off their coats, got them settled in the room, and went to work out. I didn't linger because I thought that a long, drawn out goodbye would only make things worse. They seemed to be okay when I left.

I got through 15 minutes on the elliptical machine before the childcare center paged me because both of my children were crying hysterically.

This is going to be a long road...

Tonight, all four of us went. I prepped the kids all day about how they were going to the playroom and how Mommy and Daddy were going to go away for a little while, but that we would always come back and get them. I printed out pictures of our whole family for each of them to look at if they felt sad. Jon checked them in, and left to start his workout. I stayed with them, got them settled with an activity, and talked to the caregiver for a little while. When I sensed a safe moment, I escaped.

This time they lasted 25 minutes. It's an improvement.

For others who have been there, done that, I'll take any advice you've got. Unfortunately my kids aren't really attached to any specific dolls or blankets or anything, so a transitional object won't really work. I had hoped that the photos would work, and I'm planning to put their photo albums from Ethiopia back together with more recent pictures, but beyond that, I'm just not sure what else to do. Jon and I have agreed to stagger our workouts slightly so that we each have the hope of completing at least one portion of it, but I'd be thrilled if I could make it through a full workout and maybe even take a shower. Is that too much to ask???