past, present, and what could have been

We just finished watching the Documentary "Daughter from Danang". To call it powerful would be a gross understatement. For those unfamiliar with the film, here is the description:

A heartbreaking documentary that upsets your expectations of happily-ever-afters, Daughter from Danang is a riveting emotional drama of longing, identity, and the personal legacy of war. To all outward appearances, Heidi is the proverbial “all-American girl”, hailing from small town Pulaski, Tenn. But her birth name was Mai Thi Hiep. Born in Danang, Vietnam in 1968, she’s the mixed-race daughter of an American serviceman and a Vietnamese woman. Fearing for her daughter’s safety at the war’s end, Hiep’s mother sent her to the U.S. on “Operation Babylift”, a Ford administration plan to relocate orphans and mixed-race children to the U.S. for adoption before they fell victim to a frighteningly uncertain future in Vietnam after the Americans pulled out. Mother and daughter would know nothing about each other for 22 years.

Now, as if by a miracle, they are reunited in Danang. But what seems like the cue for a happy ending is anything but. Heidi and her Vietnamese relatives find themselves caught in a confusing clash of cultures and at the mercy of conflicting emotions that will change their lives forever. Through intimate and sometimes excruciating moments, Daughter from Danang profoundly shows how wide the chasms of cultural difference and how deep the wounds of war can run--even within one family.

Needless to say, this woman did not have the optimal adoption experience. In fact, in a lot of ways, her story is a primer for how NOT to handle an international adoption. In the end, the reunion with her family was too emotionally overwhelming for her to process, and I feel that everyone involved lost out on a lot.

I've been thinking a lot lately about our children's first family and how we can maintain our childrens' connection to them as they grow up in an entirely different culture. I want them to know the warmth and beauty of Ethiopia and her people. I want them to respect the difficulty of the situation that brought our lives together, and I hope that they won't grow to resent us for taking them away from their birth culture. I also hope that they won't grow to resent their first family for beginning the process that will lead our lives to intersect. Finally, I hope that their first family will become an extension of our family, and that we will be able to maintain a relationship with them throughout our childrens' lives

I live my life inspired by this Brian Andreas story:

I hope it will be said we taught them to stand tall & proud, even in the face of history & the future was made new & whole for us all, one child at a time.

Little ones, I don't even know you yet, and already I am deeply concerned about ensuring that you know your roots. You have barely even begun to live, and yet, by the time we meet, you will undoubtedly have experienced more tragedy than anyone should be made to endure. I hope that you will also have known love, and that you will grow strong and secure in the complete adoration we already feel for you.