Random Thoughts on Referrals

I posted this on the agency's message board, but it's something I've been thinking about a lot recently, and thought it deserved to be posted here as well.

In the past couple of weeks, many people have gotten their referrals -- Some out of the order of the unofficial "lists" we've all been keeping. I've noticed that several people have expressed feeling hesitant about sharing their referral stories, but I really don't think anyone should feel bad sharing their exciting news.

Over and over I've heard that when your referral comes, you just know that this was the child meant for your family. When others share news about their referrals, I'm thrilled that they and their children have been matched. I definitely don't feel like someone else got "my" child. If anything, it just makes me want to know who my children are a little bit more.

The lists are both a blessing and a curse. It’s definitely fun to follow along with each other’s progress, and celebrate forward movement. And it’s thrilling to see yourself moving up the list. However, when you’re “next in line” it becomes much more difficult to remain “zen” about the wait. And the fact remains that each child comes with his or her own list of life experiences, medical concerns, and other factors that may or may not make that child a good fit within our own families. So for those reasons, referrals can and will happen out of order. And just because someone’s waited a shorter time does not diminish the excitement that (I hope) we all feel when others receive their call.

Thinking about all of this has raised another point for me. While I’m anxiously awaiting our referral call, I can’t seem to get over the fact that something terrible must be happening right now in my children’s lives in order to make them “available” for adoption. It’s a classic challenge with adoption, and still, I can’t seem to justify the fact that I am longing for these children to come into my life, but to do so, they must first go through an experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. Has anyone else felt this? How have you all dealt with those feelings?